Posted by: mdegeorge | August 17, 2010

Joey Barton’s latest indiscretion: that ‘stache

Newcastle midfielder Joey Barton has had more than his fair share of scrapes with the law (and teammates and drunken club goers). But to my knowledge, he’s never appeared on “To Catch a Predator”, however much his mustache begs to differ.

Barton and his Magpie teammates are in the midst of a devilish competition to see who can grow the best ’stache, vowing not to shave until the team wins its first Premier League game as a gesture of team spirit.

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It appears Barton is in the lead with his porn star fuzz which has the potential to rank somewhere in the pantheon of creepy facial hair just behind Tom Selleck and just ahead of Keith Hernandez.

I assumed the instances in which I rooted for Newcastle this year would be few and far between, but with hygienic stakes so astronomical, I’m putting on my banana leaf kit and scouring their schedule for potential shave days.

The Magpies home opener brings Aston Villa to the northeast followed by a trip to Wolverhampton. The best chance might be a visit from Blackpool on Sept. 11, giving us almost a month worth of growth before sweet Gillette relief. If they stumble against the Tangerines, it could be another two weeks before they taste victory when Stoke comes to town (after trip to Merseyside to do battle with Everton).

We can only hope Newcastle has a win under their belt before October rolls around, both for the sake of his face and his disposition.

(PS- I have a feeling this post means I won’t be vacationing on the Tyne anytime soon.)


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