Posted by: mdegeorge | October 3, 2010

Too real to be ridiculous? Not on your life, UFC!

There’s still time to fill out that Christmas list for the overactive, overly aggressive, budding sociopath in your life. So why not get them what they really want: UFC action figures!!!

Don’t believe? Then watch this commercial, which currently ranks second in my official worst commercial of the year standings (I’m looking at you, dissonant and obnoxious Quizno’s puppet cats, the producers of which should have their building razed.)

Apparently whoever wrote the ad took a couple George Saint Pierre roundhouse kicks to the head. How else would you explain a line like, “too real to be action figures”?

You already said they’re action figures, so now their not real? And if their too real, why are you lying to me and telling me their action figures.

At least they feature “real articulation”, which I’m told is in vogue this holiday season. I’m sure little Timmy will be happy to know that when he pretends his Rampage Jackson action figure is delivering a beat down to his sister’s Ken doll (playing the role of mommy’s new boyfriend), Rampage will have the range of motions in his joints to accurately replicate a rear naked choke hold.

But what’s best about the toys is what they don’t tell you about in the ad. UFC action figures also come with shrunken testicles, a free sample of creatine, a mail-in rebate for syringes, and—in the off chance the Octagon doesn’t thrill you—a replica middle school classroom where you’re favorite stars can attend anger management classes (complete with group leader and folding chairs).

And, best of all, it also comes with patented over-compensation action, which punches anyone who calls it a doll…even your mom!

Get them at a store near you now while supplies last, because they’ll be gone faster than Kimbo Slice’s UFC career.


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